[ The Assassin theme music plays in background ]
[ Instrumental rock music, background ]
BIG STAN: Open the door, you stupid motherfucker! Open the fuckin' door!
I had the fuckin' keys, Stan!
BIG STAN: This is faster.
[ Gasping ] I need it.
Relax, you'll get it.
I need it so bad.
BIG STAN: Get the fuckin' door, Johnny!
BURT: Come on!
[ Rock music continues ]
[ Smashing ]
No! Honey, don't you dare go down there!
Yes, it's Osman's Drug at 7th and Burdoch.
BURT: What the fuck! I thought you knew where the good stuff was!
He always keeps it right in here!
BURT: Shit!
I'm gonna count to three.
BURT: Or?
Or my wife will be mopping up your blood tomorrow morning.
BIG STAN: Yeah, Pops?
You'd shoot your little boy? With that big gun...
... you'd shoot and kill little Johnny D?
Johnny?
[ Dramatic instrumental music, background ]
You ain't gonna shoot your little boy!
DRUGSTORE OWNER: Shut up! BIG STAN: You shut the fuck up!
And help Johnny D. Find the good shit!
Cops!
JOHNNY D: No, don't!
I live here!
[ Gunshots ]
BIG STAN: [ Yells ] Do you want to fuck around?
[ Gunshots ]
[ Sirens blare ]
[ Big Stan continues yelling ]
Come on, you motherfucker!
BURT: You want to play with me? Let's do it!
[ Gunshots ]
[ Burt screams ]
[ Heavy breathing ]
[ Footsteps ]
[ Maggie moans ]
[ Nina Simone's I Want A Little Sugar In My Bowl plays on Walkman ]
MAGGIE: Did you find any?
COP: What?
[ Cop gasps ]
[ Gun trigger clicks ]
[ Gunshot ]
[ Thud ]
POLICEMAN: Let's go.
POLICEMAN: Come on!
[ SIow, dramatic instrumental music, background ]
Sit down!
Sit down, you ugly bitch!
DETECTIVE: Put her in the chair.
[ Maggie gasps ]
DETECTIVE: You're not only ugly, you're stupid, too.
Get smart with me and I'll rip your face off!
DETECTIVE: Now then...
...what's your name?
MAGGIE: Maggie. DETECTIVE: Full name.
Blowjob.
Maggie Blowjob.
[ Dramatic instrumental music continues ]
DETECTIVE: Go ahead. Grin away.
We'll put you on Death Row, you'll lose that grin real quick.
DETECTIVE: Here.
Sign that. I don't have any more time for your bullshit.
Can I have a pencil?
[ SIow instrumental music, background ]
[ Detective screams ]
[ Instrumental music intensifies ]
JUDGE: Having been found guilty of the crime of murder...
... it is the judgment of this court that you be sentenced to die by lethal injection.
You are hereby remanded to the federal prison in Pleasanton...
... where you shall remain until your sentence is carried out.
And may God have mercy on your soul.
[ Gavel bangs ]
MAGGIE: Motherfuckers!
[ Maggie grunts ]
[ Fast-paced, dramatic instrumental music, background ]
[ Maggie shrieks ]
[ Door clangs shut ]
MAGGIE: No... no!
MAGGIE: [ Cries ] Please wait for my mom!
Wait, what are you doing? What are you doing?
MAGGIE: Wait till my mommy comes!
Wait for her!
[ Maggie shrieks and sobs ]
You've got to tell my mom! My mom will come and get me!
MAGGIE: [ Wails ] Mommy!
[ Dramatic instrumental music, background ]
[ Gasps ]
[ Church bell clangs in distance ]
[ Rumbling sound ]
[ Door clicks ]
Hi.
I'm Bob.
Is that "Maggie" short for "Margaret"?
[ Whispers ] Mister, what is this place?
Where am I?
You're dead. At least, that's what everybody thinks.
Your funeral.
BOB: We staged it Saturday afternoon.
You're buried here. Oakmont Cemetery.
Plot 48, row 12.
BOB: There's your father. MAGGIE: Didn't my mother come?
No, your mother, she...
[ Maggie gasps ]
BOB: You know you can't get out.
[ SIow, dramatic instrumental music, background ]
I work for some people.
"The government," let's call them.
We've decided to give you another chance.
MAGGIE: Is that about me?
BOB: Yes, it is.
MAGGIE: You know a lot about me.
We do.
So...
...you're gonna give me this chance?
What do I gotta do?
Learn, Maggie.
BOB: Learn to speak properly, learn to stand up straight, for a start.
Learn languages, computers, and so on.
BOB: Do something to help your country, for a change.
What if I'm not interested?
Row 48...
...plot 12.
[ Door beeps ]
Can I think about it?
Yeah, why don't you think about it?
You've got one hour.
[ Soft, melancholic instrumental music, background ]
[ Door slams ]
[ Beep ]
MAGGIE: Stupid fucking asshole!
[ Bob groans ]
MAGGIE: Come on, up! Up!
MAGGIE: Which way is out?
BOB: This way.
[ Fast-paced, dramatic instrumental beat, background ]
MAGGIE: Who are these assholes?
BOB: Just people who work here. It's okay.
BOB: Put it down. There's no problem. Just go back to your desks.
MAGGIE: Bullshit! Everything's fucked!
BOB: Come on. You know you can't get away with this.
Put it away!
Get back to the wall.
[ Alarm blares ]
Everything's under control.
MAGGIE: Open it! BOB: I can't!
MAGGIE: Open the fucking door! BOB: I can't.
- Tell them to do it! - They won't.
[ Dramatic instrumental music continues ]
I'll blow his fucking brains out!
They still won't do it.
[ Maggie gasps ]
[ SIow, dramatic instrumental music, background ]
Just give me the gun.
BOB: Good girl.
Just put it down.
Come on, Maggie.
BOB: You're too smart to fight these odds.
It's okay.
BOB: It's okay. Put it down.
[ Dramatic instrumental music swells ]
BOB: Rule number one:
Never chamber the first round.
[ Maggie cries and gasps ]
That'll slow you down for a while...
..."Maggie for Margaret."
[ Chanting of exercise participants ]
So?
What's it to be, yes or no?
What if I said I have a couple of questions and that I need some more time?
What if I said there is no more time?
What if I said you can kiss my ass right in the crack?
What's it gonna be, yes or no?
I'm gonna have a few things that I'll need.
I'm gonna need some stuff.
I need some music.
MAGGIE: Some good music.
I'm gonna want some Nina Simone.
Nina Simone.
MAGGIE: Yeah, and...
I want some more pain killers.
My leg is fuckin' killing me.
Is that it?
I'll make a list.
You do that, Maggie.
Bet your fuckin' ass.
[ SIow instrumental music, background ]
COMPUTER INSTRUCTOR: We're gonna start with a simple program first.
This is just like a typewriter keyboard. You got letters here...
... numbers here. Return, okay?
Tab... Wait, wait, wait.
This is a mouse.
You use this to write with, draw, save... Things like that.
INSTRUCTOR: See the roller? Roll that around and watch the screen.
Good, good.
Wait!
Wait, wait. Real easy, okay?
Real easy. Like that. Now move the arrow down to where it says, "Play."
INSTRUCTOR: Right here, click once.
[ SIow instrumental music, background ]
Pay attention, Maggie.
[ Dinosaur growls ]
[ Maggie laughs ]
- Can we make the dinosaur eat him? - You want to make the dinosaur eat him?
KARATE INSTRUCTOR: Very good, very good.
Feel a little bit more relaxed.
[ Upbeat instrumental music, background ]
You.
MAGGIE: I can't. My leg hurts.
INSTRUCTOR: That's okay. We're just working on reflexes. It'll be easy.
[ Karate instructor grunts ]
I've taken my guard. See if you can hit my face.
[ Maggie howls ]
INSTRUCTOR: Hit me. Come on, hit me.
Hit me. Hit me. Come on.
[ Upbeat instrumental music continues ]
[ CIock chimes ]
[ Maggie coughs ]
Always smile when you enter a room, dear.
It relaxes others, and it lifts the features of the face.
AMANDA: You know what "Nature's first green is gold" means?
"Nature's first green is gold."
It means that the first is best...
...that youth is better than old age.
You have the gift of youth. That is what we'll build on.
[ Maggie spits ]
It's charming, my dear, but it doesn't address my point.
AMANDA: Put the gum here.
AMANDA: That's better.
Sit down.
Are you an ugly duckling...
...or a swan?
Because the choice is yours, you know.
Belief is half of being.
It's a fancy way of saying, if you believe you're pretty...
...then you will be pretty.
You'll see.
[ SIow instrumental music, background ]
What do you do when you're most uncomfortable?
When you're angry or scared?
I hit.
You might want to try smiling.
Just smile a little smile and...
...say something offhand. It doesn't have to fit the situation, really.
Say...
Say, "I never did mind about the little things."
[ SIow instrumental music continues ]
Say it!
[ Amanda grunts ]
Please, dear.
A smile, and the sentence.
"I never did mind..."
"I never did mind...
"...about the little things."
AMANDA: Chin up. Shoulders back.
Have some pride in yourself.
Show me.
Yes, Maggie.
Better. Good.
MAGGIE: "I lie down for a nap today.
"Yesterday I lay down for a nap.
"If something unfortunate happens, I feel bad..."
Louder, please.
MAGGIE: "I feel 'bad' about it, not 'badly.' 'Bad' is an adjective.
"Remember to say, 'It is a secret between her and me.' Not, 'she and I."'
[ Nina Simone's I Want A Little Sugar In My Bowl blares on stereo ]
Turn it down, will you? Please, turn it down.
People are beginning to complain. Why don't you use the headset I got you?
'Cause they're crappy.
[ Song continues playing softly on stereo ]
You know, you...
This is Nina Simone.
You got it for me, remember?
She wants sugar in her bowl?
[ Maggie chuckles ]
No, she's saying:
"Baby, just stick it in me twice a day, and I'll do anything for you.
"I'll lick the ground you walk on."
[ Maggie giggles ]
Why do you talk so dirty?
Why do you talk so faggy?
[ Bob laughs ]
BOB: So, how is it going?
Man, I'm so majorly bored.
Think I'm going crazy. Started talking to myself and all kinds of stuff.
Your reports are excellent.
All right!
So, do I get a reward or something? It's my birthday next week.
Why don't you let me go outside?
MAGGIE: Just for one night?
You can have me followed.
Please!
I can't. Okay?
Look, Maggie...
BOB: I know how you feel.
MAGGIE: Bullshit! BOB: Yes, I do.
I used to be a recruit myself.
I used to be where you are now.
And, just like you, I hated every moment of it.
So you understand.
I'm going stir-crazy. Please! Just let me go out for a walk.
I said I can't.
That's it. Okay?
I want to go for a walk!
WEAPONS INSTRUCTOR: Girl number five?
Take out the bad guys. Do not shoot the good guys.
You got two seconds for each target.
Understand?
Ready, set...
...and go.
[ Timer rings ]
[ Gunshot ]
[ Timer rings ]
What was that?
MAGGIE: Fun. WEAPONS INSTRUCTOR: Yeah, right.
WEAPONS INSTRUCTOR: What is it with you?
AMANDA: Eating should be graceful, yet natural.
If you get a bone in your mouth, take it out with your fingers...
...and put it on the edge of your plate.
No fake middle-class delicacy.
No hiding the bone behind a napkin.
Today we'll start with the entrée.
AMANDA: Let's begin.
[ Soft instrumental music, background ]
Bone!
May I be excused?
You've done better.
She's a pain, but I can bring her around. She's got great potential.
I like her potential, too. She has some mighty nice potential.
So, bottom-line me about this girl.
We need a young female operative. I think she's the one.
Usually, it takes two years. In this case...
KAUFMAN: Six months.
That's right. I don't want to see any more attitude from her.
Enough with this crap. She bites, she kicks, she throws food... what is that?
So, you got it?
Six months. I want immediate results or she gets a bullet in the brain.
[ Rock song blares ]
Turn it off.
Ask me why I'm so serious.
Why are you so serious?
Because I've got serious stuff to tell you, "Maggie for Margaret."
First, the good stuff.
[ Soft instrumental music, background ]
Happy birthday.
BOB: Okay, now the bad stuff.
Kaufman has drawn a line in the sand.
He says he's not gonna take any more crap from you.
He mentioned the word "bullet" and the word "brain."
BOB: You hearing me? Is this going in, Maggie?
Because I want you to know, it's now out of my hands.
[ Soft instrumental music continues ]
Happy birthday.
Will you help me?
Of course. Come upstairs.
All you need is balance. We have to find your feminine strength.
Some moon to go with your sun.
A bit of the poet to balance the warrior.
[ Soft instrumental music continues ]
AMANDA: Don't you want to carry your jacket?
Surely not just for a dinner lesson.
What's worth doing...
...is worth doing well. - You've mentioned that before.
Et tu as pris longtemps pour I'apprendre, ma chère.
J'ai pensé me le faire tatouer sur le bras.
Very good!
BOB: Wow!
You look...
...beautiful.
BOB: You've really outdone yourself this time.
Yes, about this one, I am pleased.
Then why do I have to have another dinner lesson after six months?
Or are you afraid I'll revert and put my feet back up on the table?
I think that...
...tonight we should have dinner out.
Really?
Thank you!
Shall we go?
[ Soft instrumental music continues ]
WAITER: Good evening. Would you like to see the wine list?
No, thanks. Just a bottle of Dom Perignon, please.
Very good, sir.
Thank you.
[ Soft instrumental music, background ]
Don't open it yet.
That's fine.
Maggie...
More than you can possibly imagine...
...I wish you every good thing.
[ Low, dramatic instrumental music, background ]
BOB: It's loaded.
I don't understand.
A lady and two men are sitting behind you on the balcony.
BOB: The man on the right is a VIP.
The other one's his bodyguard.
I want you to put two bullets in the VIP... two bullets minimum.
Then go to the men's room.
In the last stall there's a small window that leads to a courtyard.
There will be a car waiting for you.
Don't do anything till I leave.
You've got three minutes, okay?
[ SIow instrumental music, background ]
[ Fast-paced, dramatic instrumental music, background ]
[ Screaming ]
[ Dramatic instrumental music continues ]
[ Maggie shrieks and sobs ]
[ Bang ]
[ Maggie gasps ]
[ Dramatic instrumental music, background ]
[ Fast-paced, dramatic instrumental music, background ]
[ Gunshots ]
[ Hissing ]
[ Gunshots ]
[ Groans ]
[ Suspenseful instrumental music, background ]
[ Maggie gasps ]
[ The Assassin theme music, background ]
It was bricked in.
MAGGIE: The window was all bricked in.
Yes, of course it was.
That was your final test.
MAGGIE: Motherfucker!
[ Bob gasps ]
BOB: Stop it! Stop it! MAGGIE: Son of a bitch!
BOB: You get out tomorrow!
[ Maggie gasps ]
You get out tomorrow.
That was your last test. You get out tomorrow.
[ Soft instrumental music, background ]
I'm really gonna miss you.
You know that.
I'll never kiss you again.
[ Soft instrumental music continues ]
KAUFMAN: What level of operation is she ready for?
BOB: S-1.
Ambitious as ever.
KAUFMAN: Don't sit down.
I need her ready by March.
You're gonna love this.
A woman goes into a bar with a duck under her arm.
She orders a few beers. Bartender says, "What're you doing with that pig?"
She says, "This is a duck." He says, "I was talking to the duck."
I was talking to the duck!
I think you're dangerous.
A real loose cannon. If it was up to me we'd put you down, so make no mistakes.
I'm telling you, if you cross on a red light, you are worm bait.
KAUFMAN: Entiende?
'Bye.
I was talking to the duck.
BOB: Your name's Claudia Doran.
You're from Chicago. You live in Venice, California.
You're a computer expert for Super Mac. You travel a lot.
Here's your passport, driver's license, birth certificate.
There's cash in here to buy yourself a new car.
Your code name is Nina.
MAGGIE: As in Nina Simone?
[ Soft instrumental music, background ]
Yeah.
I'm scared.
You?
That'll be the day.
Go on.
[ Soft instrumental music continues ]
[ Upbeat instrumental music, background ]
[ Laughter ]
[ Chainsaw humming ]
[ Man sings rock song ]
J.P: I warned you.
J.P: It needs a lot of work!
That's not a urine stain.
It's fully...
Actually, there's another one that's closer to being done.
NINA SIMONE: [ Sings in background ] "Birds flyin' high, you know how I feel
"Sun in the sky, you know how I feel"
I'll take it.
"Winds driftin' on by, you know how I feel"
All right.
"It's a new dawn, it's a new day
"It's a new life for me here"
"It's a new dawn, it's a new day
"It's a new life for me
"And I'm feelin' good"
[ Feeling Good continues ]
J.P: Here's your...
...ravioli.
And your ravioli.
And your...
...oh, my goodness, it's ravioli.
Thanks.
Cammie Swiss Cake Rolls. Now that sounds nutritious.
Sorry. I suppose it's embarrassing to have some fool pawing through your food.
Don't worry about it. I don't get embarrassed.
What do you mean?
Just, nothing embarrasses me.
You mean, ever?
That's great! You'll have to teach me that trick.
Where're you from?
- It's not a trick question. - Chicago.
I'm from Denver.
So I know you're from Chicago, and you love ravioli.
That's a start.
So how does someone get to know you better?
For you, it'd be easy.
Then have dinner with me tonight.
Okay.
Let me guess...
Ravioli?
J.P: It's a deal.
J.P: All I have to do is show any apartment that's vacant...
...change some light bulbs, sweep the stairs once a week...
...pick up rent checks. For that...
...half off my own rent.
Mostly what I do, though, is work on my portfolio.
I'm a photographer.
J.P: I take some good stuff sometimes.
I've sold to some galleries. Weston and Levinson's, you know?
All day, though, all I do is run around...
...and just take care of stuff.
J.P: You really like ravioli, huh?
I usually make the first move.
This is fine, too.
[ Nina Simone sings Here Comes The Sun, background ]
"Here comes the sun Little darlin'
"Here comes the sun I say it's all right
"It's all right"
[ Here Comes The Sun continues ]
[ Mouths ] Blowjob.
[ Mouths ] Come on, smile.
"Little darling It's been a long, cold and lonely winter
"Little darling It feels like years"
J.P: Ouch.
"Since you've been here"
[ Here Comes The Sun continues ]
J.P: This is hard.
MAGGIE: Shut up and finish it.
J.P: It's hard as hell. MAGGIE: Shut up and finish it.
J.P: Let's go out, get a hamburger...
Shut up and finish it.
I'll call Ned and Karen and see if they want to come.
Sure.
You don't really like them much, do you?
They're okay.
Why don't you ask somebody sometime?
Like who?
I don't know.
A friend. One of your buddies. Somebody you like to hang around with.
J.P: You haven't had one person in this place in four months.
I know.
J.P: Not one.
'Cause I want only you.
You're so guarded.
I'm not guarded.
J.P: Yes, you are. MAGGIE: No, I'm not.
J.P: You're like living with a ghost.
You never tell me anything.
All right. So, then...
...what do you want to know?
J.P: I don't know. I want to know what your fifth-grade teacher was like.
I want to know if this pretty face had pimples on it in high school.
I want to meet your friends from work.
I want to know why you listen to Nina Simone when you're in a bad mood.
[ Soft, melancholic instrumental music, background ]
Forget it.
[ Nina Simone sings Wild Is The Wind, background ]
"Love me, love me, love me Say you do"
My mother loved Nina Simone.
She used to play her records all the time.
[ Wild Is The Wind continues ]
I grew up listening to this music.
It...
...sounded so...
...passionate...
...so savage.
All about love and loss.
I play Nina Simone when I think about my mother.
[ Wild Is The Wind continues ]
[ Phone rings ]
MAGGIE: Hello? AGENT ON PHONE: Nina?
Yeah?
AGENT ON PHONE: J.W. Marriott in Century City.
Personnel entrance. One hour.
All right.
'Bye.
Who's that?
I'm about to lose a sale on 500 video cards.
I gotta go all the way to El Segundo.
Okay.
Hurry back.
I will.
[ Suspenseful instrumental music, background ]
Excuse me.
What do I do?
Change.
[ Suspenseful instrumental music continues ]
Now what?
Now we wait.
Testing, one... two... three.
OPERATIVE 1: Testing, one... two... three.
[ Phone rings ]
Good morning. Room service.
OPERATIVE 2: Certainly. About 15 minutes. Yes, sir. Thank you for calling.
[ Fast-paced, dramatic instrumental music, background ]
MAGGIE: What do I do?
Take this tray where I tell you.
- Then? - Nothing.
You take the tray up, give him the tray and you come back down here.
OPERATIVE 1: That too much for you?
[ Dramatic instrumental music continues ]
[ Scattered conversations ]
[ Voice of sports commentator heard on TV ]
Thanks.
[ Voice of sports commentator heard on listening device ]
Now what do I do?
Go home.
That's it?
[ Soft instrumental music, background ]
[ Fast-paced, dramatic instrumental music, background ]
[ Car screeches to a halt ]
So?
How are you?
I just blew up a hotel. How the hell do you think I am?
Everybody at headquarters, especially Kaufman, is very happy.
I just thought you'd like to know that.
Fabulous.
So, I hear you've met somebody.
What's he like?
He's really great.
I never would've met him if it hadn't been for you.
I have to meet him.
What?
Yeah. It's just a routine checkup.
- I can't. - Just invite me to dinner, okay?
No.
Just invite me to dinner.
[ Knocking ]
Uncle Bob!
You must be J.P.
You shouldn't.
You should've.
Come on.
J.P: It's such a pleasure to meet you. I haven't met any of her family.
Claudia.
Long time no see.
Uncle Bob.
You look...
...great! Really great!
Thanks.
- Can we get you... - Something to drink?
Scotch. Scotch would be nice.
Here. These are from Uncle Bob.
Great!
BOB: She looks really beautiful.
Must be something to do with you.
It is.
You know, you're older than I thought.
I bet you're not the youngest photographer in town.
J.P: That's true.
But the other guys are just out of high school. They have no experience.
He may not be the youngest, but he's certainly the cutest.
So...
How old are you, Uncle Bob?
BOB: I'm...
...37.
So that makes you...
Thirteen years older.
It's funny. The other day I was reading something, it was really...
J.P: It's actually closer to 14. Her birthday's in three months.
What exactly is your point, P. J?
J.P.
MAGGIE: You guys!
Wait a minute.
Easy. Why don't you just arm-wrestle right now and get it over with?
[ Bob chuckles ]
J.P: What was she like as a child?
I ask her all the time. She never talks about herself. No details, nothing.
BOB: Let me see. MAGGIE: What?
BOB: He just wanted to know what you were like when you were a little girl.
You promised.
- She hates questions. - Do I ask you questions?
J.P: No, I wish you would, though.
MAGGIE: Can't we just drop it? J.P: Not this time.
Don't you fucking get it? I don't want to talk about it!
I didn't drag my ass from the gutter in Kansas City to take shit from you!
[ J.P. Sighs ]
J.P: I thought you were from Chicago.
Kansas City.
She was born in Kansas City but raised in Chicago.
BOB: I used to see her during the summers on my uncle's farm.
You didn't know she spent summers on a farm, did you?
BOB: Well, she did.
I remember one summer...
...the local kids...
...the kids' family owned this mare.
She was...
...black as a raven's wing, completely wild. Remember? They called her Beauty.
She was trained as a trotter, but she'd never really been ridden.
BOB: Anyway...
The kids told Claudia that she had to ride Beauty...
...that it was like an initiation, a kind of thing they all had to do.
Anyway, one day, I remember...
...about noon...
...it was really, really hot.
We heard this scream.
We ran outside.
There was Claudia.
Claudia...
...bareback on this wild horse.
BOB: The horse went completely crazy. Bucked, reared.
She hung on.
She just gritted her teeth, dug her heels in...
...and she hung on.
By God, she rode that horse.
I guess that's how I remember her really.
This slip of a girl on a wild black horse.
She was so beautiful.
She was so beautiful that she gleamed.
Do you know what I mean?
That's really you.
That's what I'd have thought you'd be like.
By the way...
...did Claudia tell you what I do?
J.P: No.
I'm in the travel business.
I'm a partner in a travel agency and...
...I've got these two tickets here, if you'd like to take them.
They're for New Orleans for the Mardi Gras.
Thought you might like to go.
You're so sweet.
I'll enjoy thinking of both of you there.
I will.
[ Dixieland music plays, background ]
[ Crowd cheering ]
[ Crowd continues cheering ]
MAGGIE: I'm hungry! J.P: We gotta get out of here!
J.P: We gotta go!
Yeah!
[ Crowd cheers ]
MAGGIE: Hey!
Let's go to the hotel!
Wait! Let's try here!
J.P: Down here!
MAGGIE: Can't we just eat here?
J.P: Food's crappy. I know that place is just down here.
MAGGIE: You better be right.
J.P: It's right over here.
[ Maggie laughs ]
[ Thug speaks in Creole ]
J.P: What do you want?
[ Thug responds in Creole ]
We want your money.
THUG: Maybe you could help us out with something to eat.
Me and my friend, we real hungry now.
That's real good but we want all your money.
J.P: Go to hell.
[ Dixieland music plays ]
J.P: Come on!
J.P: What the hell was that? MAGGIE: I don't know.
J.P: You beat the hell out of them. You didn't even give me a chance.
MAGGIE: It was just a reflex.
J.P: You've got some reflexes! Where'd you learn how to do that?
MAGGIE: I don't know.
I took a self-defense class once when I was just a girl.
I'm so hungry!
I gotta have food.
What is it? It's five, right?
WOMAN: Room service. May I help you? MAGGIE: Hello?
[ Maggie giggles and squeals ]
This is Room 30.
I'd like to order some food, please.
Could I have a couple of chicken salads...
...and a couple of pieces of pecan pie...
...and what kind of soda do you have?
[ Woman lists types of soda available ]
All right, then. I guess I'll have...
[ Maggie giggles ]
I'll take Pepsi.
Can I have four cans of that, because we get thirsty after sex?
[ Maggie giggles ]
MAGGIE: Kiss my neck.
J.P: Okay.
MAGGIE: Kiss it harder.
[ Phone rings ]
Yes?
AGENT ON PHONE: Nina?
[ Dramatic instrumental music, background ]
Yes?
AGENT: The bathroom cabinet has a hidden compartment.
All right.
Then make it two pieces of chocolate-rum cake.
They're all out of pecan pie.
Okay, we're out of this joint.
[ Dramatic instrumental music continues ]
I gotta take a bath. I feel really dirty.
MAGGIE: If you could just wait for room service, please.
[ Fast-paced instrumental music, background ]
Nina in position.
AGENT ON HEADSET: First item's under the sink.
[ Music intensifies ]
MAGGIE: Assembly completed. AGENT: Open the window.
MAGGIE: There's no handle. AGENT: Open the window.
J.P: Claudia? MAGGIE: Yeah?
J.P: You know what I've been thinking?
What?
J.P: I've got a really good idea.
Just thinking we could make Bob's present an engagement present.
Save the poor slob some money.
[ Dramatic instrumental music continues ]
Okay.
What do you say, you want to do it? Make it formal?
J.P: Honey?
AGENT: The limousine.
AGENT: Take aim on the limousine.
AGENT: We're waiting for further instructions.
I asked you a question. Don't I deserve an answer?
In a minute.
It's how I always imagined it. Proposing through a door.
J.P: Claudia?
J.P: Christ! What is it with you?
[ The Assassin theme music plays, background ]
J.P: Say something.
Say, "Go to hell, J.P." Tell me you love me...
... or "Get lost" or whatever. Just answer me, okay?
[ Maggie gasps ]
[ Knocking on door ]
ROOM-SERVICE MAN: Room service.
[ Dramatic instrumental music, background ]
MAGGIE: How many targets? AGENT: One.
MAGGIE: What's he look like? AGENT: I haven't been informed yet.
How're you enjoying our beautiful Mardi Gras?
Real well.
AGENT: Target visible in five seconds.
- Thanks. - Y'all come back and see us, you hear?
MAGGIE: Which one is it?
AGENT: I don't have that data yet.
You've got nothing to say to me?
Which target, dammit?
AGENT: The woman.
AGENT: The woman in white.
[ Dramatic instrumental music intensifies ]
AGENT: The woman in white, I said.
Claudia.
[ Knocking on door ]
AGENT: The fucking woman!
[ Muffled gunshots ]
What is with you?
What the hell's going on?
What's this?
[ Soft, dramatic instrumental music, background ]
You've got nothing to say to me?
[ Whispers ] A while ago, I did something really bad.
I came through it, but I'm always gonna be paying for it.
It's okay.
It's in the past.
You can just let it go.
I can't.
But you've got to believe me.
If I'm secretive...
...I've got my reasons.
For now, I'll take that.
For now.
[ Soft, dramatic instrumental music continues ]
[ Maggie cries ]
KARATE INSTRUCTOR: Students, this is a defensive tactic. Watch me.
So how was New Orleans?
Everything you touch turns to shit.
MAGGIE: Why'd you send me on a job with J.P? What happens to him if he finds out?
I know it wasn't an easy job.
You're so pathetic. Listen to you.
You stand there with that little smile. Drop the fucking mask, for once.
Fuck you! That was my last job.
You stupid, ignorant little girl.
BOB: You think you can decide you don't want to play anymore?
Where the fuck do you think you are?
Haven't you heard anything that I've said?
MAGGIE: I mean it! BOB: You don't know what you're saying.
MAGGIE: I'm through! I'm out! BOB: Which word do you not understand?
There is no "out." There is no "through." There is no out!
You've gotta help me.
I can't do this. I can't live like this anymore.
Don't you like me well enough to help me?
Like you?
I know...
...you like that you made me into something different.
But you're not looking close enough.
I am different.
Help me be better.
Please, Bob, let me go.
You know who Fahd Bahktiar is?
BOB: He's one of the world's richest men.
He's peddling nuclear information to the Middle East.
I need a woman for this one. It's the kind of job you were trained for.
BOB: I want you to do three things.
One: Impersonate his girlfriend so you can get into his house.
Two: Take the disk that he's been sending the data on, then destroy his computer.
And number three:
I want you to take him out.
If I do this job, if I bring this off...
...will you do what you can to help me get out?
No.
[ Soft instrumental music, background ]
AMANDA: Thank you, ladies and gentlemen.
Would you take these, John? Thanks.
AMANDA: Maggie! What a pleasure!
AMANDA: How are you?
Does anybody ever get out?
Thank you, John. I'll do the rest.
Were you like me once? Would they let you leave if you wanted to?
AMANDA: Happiness in life comes from braiding together...
...what one would like to have...
...with what is inevitable.
Stop that shit! Stop talking like that and answer me!
[ Cup bangs ]
I'm sorry.
I don't want to be rude to you. You were the only one who was nice to me here.
Please, could you tell me?
Could you just leave if you wanted to?
Just get on a plane and disappear?
To tell the truth, dear...
...I don't know. It's a possibility that never entered my mind.
You won't tell Bob I came?
No.
Thank you.
[ Soft instrumental music, background ]
- You look tired. - I am.
- Want a back rub? - Yeah.
- With the hypnotic fantasy oil? - Yeah.
All right.
On the bed.
MAGGIE: I'll be right back.
[ Maggie gasps ]
Hello, Maggie.
BOB: These are copies of the photos I gave you.
Amanda says that you...
...dropped them.
I don't think I can do it.
[ Soft instrumental music, background ]
If you pull this job off for me...
...I'll see what I can do to help you.
BOB: See the upstairs corner?
That's his bedroom. Right here. You arrive early. You do it here.
With the right wig, clothes, attitude, you can...
... look sufficiently like the girlfriend to get into his house.
MAGGIE: What happens to her? Does she die, too?
Absolutely not. No unnecessary wetworks.
Good.
BETH: Look at those earrings. Got the buck in the walk.
MAGGIE: I have those glasses.
BETH: Yeah? Great. MAGGIE: I'll get that brand of cigarettes.
BETH: She's right-handed. MAGGIE: Me, too.
BETH: Long cigarettes.
BETH: Is that mole real?
Not on me, it won't be.
Here we go again.
GUESTS: [ Sing ] "Happy birthday to you"
They don't go out!
[ Imitating Angela ] It won't go out.
ANGELA: It's heavy.
[ Imitating Angela ] "It's heavy."
ANGELA: Get out of the way now.
[ Imitating Angela ] "Get out of the way now."
MAGGIE: There he is.
Frank, for Christ's sake, do us a favor and put the camera away.
All right.
[ Beth sighs ]
Let's go over it again.
We've only done it 20 times.
Look, it's tomorrow night. This is our last chance.
Okay. We meet at 4:00 to go to Angela's.
Let's make it a quarter to.
BETH: That'll give us more time. J.P: Hi.
Hey, honey!
Uncle Bob?
J.P: Uncle Bob, is it really you? How nice to see you.
No, it can't be Uncle Bob. It's got to be...
...Aunt Pauline or Cousin Molly...
... or something, right?
Wait a minute! I got it!
This must be Cindy D'Amato. Used to work for Super Mac. Quit to get married.
Hi. How the hell are you?
[ Door slams ]
[ Dramatic instrumental music plays on TV ]
What in heaven's name have you got there?
BETTE DAVIS ON TV: You bought it for me, remember?
When I moved into the studio.
- Give me that nonsensical object. Give it... - You keep away from me.
CLAUDE RAINS ON TV: Don't you try to intimidate me.
You are not going to tell Carol.
Swear you won't!
I'll swear nothing!
[ Gunshot on TV ]
[ Dramatic instrumental music plays on TV ]
[ Suspenseful instrumental music, background ]
- Hi. - Hi.
We're from Sherry's.
Where's Francine?
MAGGIE: Francine's sick today, so Sherry sent us.
They said Francine was coming.
I guess they got it wrong 'cause Francine's sick. I don't know.
Sherry sent us 'cause Francine ate something bad.
MAGGIE: She got sick.
I could really care less if I did another head of hair today.
So make up your mind.
[ Suspenseful instrumental music continues ]
All right. Come on.
Who are these people? Where's Francine?
Francine's sick, so we're here.
ANGELA: Great. Some new fucking blood. Can you do me out here?
Sure. I can burn hair anywhere.
MAID: Is this outfit all right?
ANGELA: Is the stain gone? MAID: Yes.
Fine. Put it in my room with the red boots.
ANGELA: I want some fucking softness around my face.
Last time Francine did me, she slicked all my hair back...
...and made me look like some kind of fucking dyke.
Did you guys meet my friends?
ANGELA: This is "Stupid" and the other one is "Stupider."
[ Angela laughs ]
- Would you like some ginseng tea? - No, I don't drink tea.
Francine says you love her ginseng tea. It's great for the sex drive.
I've got no trouble in that department.
It's really very good.
Enough with the fucking tea, for Christ's sake.
Suit yourself.
ANGELA: Do you have silk, please, for my fingers?
BETH: Sure.
[ Angela gasps ]
BODYGUARD: Hey!
[ Angela gasps and moans ]
[ Gunshots ]
BETH: Oh, God! I'm dead!
- Let me see. - Damn it, I'm hit!
MAGGIE: It's okay.
[ Fast-paced, dramatic instrumental music, background ]
MAGGIE: Hold still. Just push it hard.
I'm calling Kaufman.
BETH: I'm calling Kaufman. MAGGIE: I can finish it. I have to!
BETH: He said if anything goes wrong, we're supposed to call him.
[ Phone beeps as dialed ]
It's screwed up. There are two down and I'm hit.
How?
Okay, okay. Yes, okay.
They're calling in a cleaner.
Jesus!
[ SIow instrumental music, background ]
We've heard reports of shots. Did you hear anything?
[ Muffled gunshots ]
[ Knocking on door ]
I'm Victor. I'm the cleaner.
[ SIow instrumental music, background ]
MAGGIE: The job's gone bad, but I think I can finish it.
VICTOR: This part of the job's over.
I'm the cleaner.
VICTOR: Where's the material?
MAGGIE: Outside.
What's that for?
Cleaning up your shit.
[ Sizzling ]
Christ! What're you doing?
[ Angela coughs ]
She's not dead.
BETH: [ Gasping ] Oh, God.
Oh, God! Kaufman said no wetworks. He said no wetworks. I'll call him now.
[ Dramatic instrumental music, background ]
"I never did mind about the little things."
I'll go get ready for the next step.
[ Instrumental rock music, background ]
VALET: You look nice. MAGGIE: Thank you.
VALET: All right, have a nice evening.
[ Intercom rings ]
Hi, Angela.
HASSAN: New driver?
MAGGIE: [ Imitating Angela ] For Christ's sake, open the stupid gate!
It went off the tracks and I called in a cleaner.
What happened?
KAUFMAN: Two down. I was afraid we'd get splashed with shit.
I told him to get it cleaned up.
BOB: How clean? KAUFMAN: Down to the nap.
The cleaner's going with your girl to Bahktiar's.
After she finishes...
...he'll clean her, too.
[ Dramatic instrumental music, background ]
MAGGIE: Of course, it was me. I heard the bloody thing.
HASSAN: He's upstairs. You're early.
MAGGIE: So sue me, stupid. HASSAN: Want a drink?
MAGGIE: Salty Dog. Leave it down here.
MAGGIE: I must piss.
[ Dramatic instrumental music continues ]
BAHKTIAR: Hello, my...
MAGGIE: Go to your computer, bring up your nuclear program.
[ Water gurgles ]
What are you going to accomplish by this?
Do it!
Suck my dick.
[ Bahktiar gasps ]
Go to your computer.
[ Dramatic instrumental music, background ]
BAHKTIAR: Should the Arabs be the only people not to have this technology?
Is that what you think?
Hurry up.
[ Computer beeps ]
BAHKTIAR: I cannot access the data.
Yeah, right.
The system is down.
Get around to the other side of the desk.
BAHKTIAR: I can make you very rich, beyond anything you can imagine.
And if I say I will, I will. I'll do it, I promise.
What's the password?
[ SIow, dramatic instrumental music, background ]
What's the password?
Try to imagine what a bullet in the stomach feels like.
Peddler.
[ Computer beeps ]
[ Dramatic instrumental music continues ]
BODYGUARD: Hey!
You can't park there. Move it around to the back with the other cars.
Are you deaf? Move the car!
[ Suspenseful instrumental music, background ]
[ Car engine revs ]
[ Tires screech ]
[ Electronic beeping ]
[ Crackling ]
On the ground.
Don't be a stupid bitch. I'm offering you anything you want.
Get on your knees, forehead to the ground, hands behind your back.
BAHKTIAR: You think killing me will solve anything?
You think you can keep 800 million people in the 14th century forever?
[ Bahktiar continues talking, his voice echoing ]
[ SIow, dramatic instrumental music, background ]
[ Muffled gunshot ]
BAHKTIAR: Give it to me!
[ Fast-paced, dramatic instrumental music, background ]
[ Grunting and groaning ]
[ Car engine revs ]
[ Tires screech ]
[ Rapid gunshots ]
[ Dramatic instrumental music continues ]
[ Tires screech ]
That's it. I've had it.
[ SIow, dramatic instrumental music, background ]
[ Spanish ballad plays on radio ]
[ Maggie groans ]
[ Victor groans ]
[ Fast-paced, dramatic instrumental music, background ]
[ Grunting and groaning ]
[ Suspenseful instrumental music, background ]
[ Maggie and Victor scream ]
[ Victor grunts and groans ]
[ Suspenseful instrumental music continues ]
[ Victor grunts, Maggie screams ]
[ Grinding sound ]
[ Victor screams ]
[ Scattered voices ]
FIREMAN 1: Be sure it's hooked up.
FIREMAN 1: Wait till he gets down there.
BOB: Is there a woman down there?
FIREMAN 2: There could be 20 women down there, for all I know.
The car's in a bad spot.
FIREMAN 2: That's it.
[ Nina Simone sings Black Is The Color Of My True Love's Hair, background ]
"Black is the color of my true love's hair
"His face so soft..."
[ Song continues playing softly ]
MAGGIE: J.P?
MAGGIE: You awake?
I know you are. I can tell by the way you're breathing.
I'm so tired.
J.P: My God!
What happened to your face?
J.P: She's gone.
BOB: Where?
[ SIow instrumental music, background ]
Where?
I don't know.
J.P: She took off empty-handed.
She didn't take any of her clothes or even her purse.
So whoever it is you are...
...just leave her alone. Let her go.
- I can't. She's got information. - Yeah.
J.P: Why don't you get out?
J.P: She left you a note.
BOB: Yeah?
I tore it up.
What did it say?
Can I take this?
Yeah, sure.
You like Nina?
Yeah.
I love her.
We'll miss her.
[ Soft instrumental music continues ]
Yeah.
We'll miss her.
[ The Assassin theme music, background ]
[ Soft instrumental music, background ]
[ Dramatic instrumental music, background ]
Yeah.
We had a bad car wreck last night.
No, no... no.
I have all the information we need.
The cleaner's dead...
...and the girl is...
...the girl is...
...the girl's dead, too.
Yeah.
[ The Assassin theme music plays softly, background ]
[ Music intensifies ]